if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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