we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
