Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
