Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
