Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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