His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
