The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
