i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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