I want to make a zoo with you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
