She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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