Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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