I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Say something about gay babies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
