ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she told me i tasted like america
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
