I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize