He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
