Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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