He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
