im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize