Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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