I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
