Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
do nipples grow back?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
