The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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