I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize