Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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