we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
