forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
