Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
pop tarts are not kleenex
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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