this boner is exhausting
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
