I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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