ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
