don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even my vagina gasped.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
