Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
