Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When are your genitals available?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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