I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize