How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
