I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
