don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize