I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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