Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
