Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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