Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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