Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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