alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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