sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
two words...techno handjob
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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