He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's blow job season.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
