Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
