I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize