so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
