Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
