It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
