I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
