you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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