Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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