i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
