Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize