I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't turn off my feet"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
