I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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