So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
