Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
