heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
