Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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