Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got inside last night via doggy door
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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