is your mom at the bar?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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