I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
