Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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