Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
