Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
