I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
