it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
