there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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