Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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