I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
