Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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