your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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