Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
