I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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