what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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