why didn't you poke me back
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize