My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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