I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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