I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
