Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
