they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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