i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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