What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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