Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize