You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
