i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
