so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
