i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize