Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
