Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
