i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
