Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
