She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
