i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
