Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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