I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
