It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
