I seem to have left my pride at pride
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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